I am at 156 now.  I have gained 5 pounds since my Doc increased my neurontin feb 29th.  I am considering decreasing it and trying to manage my sleep other ways but sleep is so important.  I hate having health issues, it seems so unfair.  I have to have good sleep to prevent mania and the neurontin helps with that.

preventing mania is soooo important but gaining 5 pounds in 11 days JUST because of a med increase!?  I just want to scream "ITS NOT FAIR"  I know everyone has stuff they have to deal with but sometimes it feels like the meds make your life worse not better.

and this is why there is so much non-compliance with psych meds.  and other meds too i guess.  right now i feel sedated, lazy, sleepy, hungry, with no energy plus i'm 5 pounds heavier.  and i don't have the satisfaction of having eaten lots of delicious food.

and being bipolar isn't like having cancer where you can talk to people about it and get lots of sympathy because no one understands about it, people give you terrible advice, haven't heard of it, and are totally misinformed.  and i don't want to be a crusader or an activist whose job it is to explain my illness to people...  and it so often feels like i am constantly explaining it anyways.  i have often wished i could just hand a pamphlet to people but whenever i talk about that people say it's a bad idea.

i am really upset, it doesn't seem fair, i don't want to take my medication, i liked losing weight, i liked staying up later, i liked being slimmer, the only thing i didn't like was waking up at 4 in the morning feeling anxious and not being able to fall back asleep.  that SUCKED. 

and now today is the time change.  which is also confusing and bad for bipolar.  we are so reliant on circadian rhythms time change is disruptive.

i'm going to yoga today, i'm going to hang out with mike, to rueda by the sea, and going to sleep early and take a little less neurontin tonight and before bed a bath and restorative yoga.  i'll see how i sleep on a little less neurontin and hopefully it'll be ok.  i want to wean myself off the extra and hopefully i can sleep ok.

it will be harder with the time change.