158.5 this morning but feeling like crap. i've been exercising all the time to try to feel better about feeling rejected by orion but emotionally i am feeling like a punching bag. i have been exercising like crazy and i don't want to hurt my body from over exercising so now i am trying journaling as an alternative. i have gone on 2 major hikes in the last couple of days, done a ton of aerobics classes, salsa classes, balance ball videos, yoga classes... i dont know.

i guess it's better than over eating tubs of Ben and Jerry's for my health... but i wish my mind felt better. i think i would definitely feel worse if i had eaten a lot of ice cream because my self esteem already feels bad and i know it would be worse if i had eaten like crap.

exercise is a good way to deal with sucky emotions because then you can feel good about yourself for exercising. even if you had bad things happen to you at least you have the exercise in your life and that is a good thing.

i guess eating healthy is the same thing, cooking healthy food for yourself is very nurturing.

relationships are really hard and they can definitely be rewarding but i don't know if this is something i can handle. maybe i just can't handle dating right now, emotionally. i thought i could but maybe i should set a time limit, like 3 months or something for until i date again... i don't want to introduce more mood fluctuations.