well I have been gaining weight.  It is so disheartening when I started march at 151 and I have been slowly gaining to 155 now.  at march 10th, 9 days later. 

I haven't been eating more, and i'm exercising a lot.  I think the problem is my sleep is worse.  I would not have imagined that sleep could affect your weight so much, and so fast. 

however, i think the hormone Cortisol definitely has a very strong effect on weight gain.  if you are stressed, you body will process calories differently.  so even if you eat less or exercise more than someone else, if you can't manage your stress, you are probably going to be fatter than the other person, and also have more fat around you stomach (that's where stress makes you store your fat)

sooo...  yesterday was a good low stress day.   family therapy, i had a good cry, a nice time with Mom gardening (thanks!) got a massage (still on my one month unlimited massage trial at nourish so far i've gotten 3 massages for $85...  not sure i'm going to keep doing it... i really need to pay off my credit card...  but i think it is definitely feels amazing.

anyways.  and then i took some extra neurontin last night and took my meds a little early.  i got in bed and fell asleep probably around 8, woke up once in the night (cat woke me up) but then fell asleep easily and slept till 6.

tonight I might lock the cat in his room...  and use earplugs.  i had to use earplugs today because he is so active at night.

BUT.   I turned the tide of weight gain.  which was a huge relief.  i have been gaining and gaining and at least today i woke up without gaining any weight.  thank god!!!  and i think all the stress relief yesterday, the crying, the massage, seeing my mom... made a big difference.

because i didnt' exercise a lot or eat any differently...  i think it was just the better sleep and calming day.

:)

and of course sleeping well was a big relief because I was also worried about the sleep disruption from a bipolar stand point because that can be very bad for my mood.  having disrupted sleep can push you into mania, so making sure i get enough sleep and get good solid sleep is apparently great for my bipolar (that is true for sure)

and also amazing for my weight loss.  so getting great sleep is something i want to make a commitment to for the rest of my life. 

man my cat is lying in my lap (i'm sitting cross legged with my laptop on my feet.  and my cat decided that now is the ideal time to sit in my lap.  he never ever wants to sit in my lap but NOW is the time he wants to.  when i am typing.  and he has his head lying on my right forarm so i am trying to type but it has this huge weight on it.  

he's just lucky that he's cute.